Should I Tell Him To Go Find A Healthy Woman?

Bernie Siegel, MD

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Should I Tell Him To Go Find A Healthy Woman?

Dear Dr. Siegel -- I met a man a few months ago and we really hit it off but I was just diagnosed with BC and his 1st wife died of BC 4 years ago. He wants to marry me and help me get through this but I can’t bring myself to let him go through this for a second time…He says I’m hurting him by declining his offer. I say I’m hurting him less this way. I would feel so guilty if we married, he took care of me, and then I died. Am I being cruel by telling him to go find a healthy woman? I care a lot about him and don’t want to be the cause of more pain.

-- CherylAnn (Australia)

BERNIE’S REFLECTIONS

Dear CherylAnn -- You don't understand the role of love. To quote a man going through what you are discussing; "When you…

love someone it is not a burden." Let him follow his heart just as you should follow yours. What would you do if cancer was not an issue? Do it and liove. (That's a word I created to live and love.) Relationships keep people alive. So if you marry him you won't die because it would make you feel guilty. There is a woman in our support group getting a divorce. Her question, due to her cancer was; "Should I get a lump sum payment or monthly income?" I told her definitely a monthly income. That would assure her a long life and screw her husband as he has to keep paying every month.

Peace – Bernie

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From Cancer Patient to Respant

By: Bernie Siegel, MD

Unfortunately doctors and health professionals, in general, do not study success. We are far more likely to consider an unexpected recovery to be due to the treatment or a spontaneous remission. However, I have learned from my experience with patients and by asking them, “Why didn’t you die when you were supposed to?” that they always had a story to tell.